I think about ways to sell you cannabis all day, every day. I literally wake up in the morning thinking of new strategies to help mommy’s buy more cannabis. I fall asleep at night dreaming of new ways to help disabled veterans with PTSD buy more cannabis. There is rarely a waking moment in my world where I am not obsessively focused on how to sell you more cannabis. As the CEO of the cannabis industry’s premier marketing and sales agency, Social Media Unicorn, it’s my job to sell cannabis. I am the Don Draper of bud.
But, I don’t want you to get high.
Wait, what? I cringe when I hear stories about how someone gave their grandma an edible and she was miserable. I want to smack your mama for raising a damn fool. I get tears in my eyes when I hear about someone who was so obliterated they lost all function for 24 hours. I want to build a time machine to take you back to your retail experience, so I can smack your budtender for selling you whatever they sold you. Getting high and ruining your day is not the purpose of cannabis.
I’m a medical marijuana patient myself, so I certainly appreciate those of us who consume cannabis daily to manage true medical maladies that require those 1000mg chocolate bars or serious concentrates that provide relief we can’t find anywhere else. My personal tolerance is somewhere between clydesdale and King Kong, but it is a rare day when I am ever high. I am medicated and I don’t feel the distracting, agonizing, constant pain that keeps me foggy and unable to live my best life, but I am never high. Cannabis exists to help you live your best life, not your worst.
I want to sell you cannabis. Lots of it. I want you to ditch your bottle of wine or scotch for the clear headed relaxation that only cannabis can offer. I want you to end your day by checking out from reality and checking into the best night’s sleep of your life. I want you to say adios to hangovers and embrace a well rested, pain free life that won’t leave you regretting the night before. I want you to skip right past those mega dosed chocolate bars and head for a micro dosed 5mg mint. Getting high shouldn’t be your goal. Being well absolutely should be.